I've needed to update my blog for quite some time. Needless to say, blogging hasn't been at the top of my to do list. Life happens.
I haven't shared here on my blog about anything really personal since last year. I've thought about writing a hundred times, but things just never came together like I wanted them too. Some things in life are hard to talk about, especially to an unknown audience. My blog has never really been a venting place or super personal journal for me... more of a place to share the good stuff. As of late, the good stuff wasn't really happening either, thus... no blogging.
For almost a year now (scrolling back thru my last few posts, I've only really blogged on holidays!) I've not had it in me to create or to blog. I've been in a cocoon. :)
I'm not blogging today because I feel obligated, like a lot of bloggers do. I want to share. I think it might help someone else, so here I am.
Last summer, a member of my family was a victim of a crime. The crime was committed by another family member who is now serving time in jail for their crime. My family and I have all been in therapy and coping and healing over the course of this last year.
This was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I never thought I would HAVE to deal with something like this. Not that I was naive by any means, but I guess I just told myself that something like this would not happen to my family... I wouldn't let it happen. But it happened.
I've never cried as hard or felt that much hate in my heart as I did those first few weeks. I honestly thought I would never stop crying... I could not see any light at the end of my tunnel. It felt as though my world came crashing down and I would never find my way out again...like, I would never feel or be normal again.
Looking back, that was a really dark time for me and I can see how far I have come. Thank God.
Over the course of a few months, things began to slowly get better. We began to heal. My husband and I attended every court hearing and afterward I was undone again... left to slowly, (very slowly) pick up the pieces again.
This all created some hardships and tense moments in my extended family. If affected us all. It still does. But we are growing and healing all on our own. In our own way, we are finding grace.
In February, my children and I gave statements in court at the sentencing... something I never imagined doing. We did it though. We cried and we were broken and we were brave. That's all...
Now, nearly 12 months later, I am ok. I am healing. I am stronger. I am better. I can hope. I can not only see the light, but I am in that light... living in it.
I changed a lot of things in my life to help me cope. I got a job. I worked with people who have had more hardship than me, giving myself to help them survive their own pain and to recover. I didn't blindly lead them... I walked with them.
I want to share this with you, my readers, to give you some hope.
Things change. Things get better.
It gets better. It does.
My wish for you is this... That you are open to get help when you need it. Let it go. Get it out of you...talk about it. Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it go.
I hope for you that if you are a victim of any crime, that you are brave and that you let someone know. Please know that it doesn't define who you are. It doesn't take away your value or make you any less of a beautiful person.
Thank you for being here friends, I appreciate you all.
All my love, Analise